Arranged vs Non-Arranged
Disclaimer:
I love all my relatives
This is a work of exaggeration
Pun is intended but not mockery
Chapter: The pressure to get married
Phase: After Graduation till you decide to get married
My cousins have been getting married over the last few years. Some of them are parents now. And trust me, it only added to the 'get married soon' pressure on me. Intense pressure from parents - "Shaadi kub karoge" - was fueled by relatives persistent endorsements of select highly qualified and well brought up girls - dying to marry me - well almost.
The match makers & King-pins
Every time relatives spoke to me, they were kind enough to ask me if I had already selected a girl for myself and if I wanted to introduce her to them. They would otherwise certainly threaten me to get me married to a girl of their choice. To appreciate them, imagine a world full of traditional middle class relatives, born in 60s and 70s. These relatives live for benefit of others - and are reincarnations of St. Valentine. These noble souls have been brought to the world for the cause of others - to help others marry.
I am convinced that this Matchmaking cum I-Banking ability is entrenched in gene of every Indian. Matchmaking, some would call, is extremely natural to most Indians. I am amazed that despite very low returns or incentives, Indians excel at it. And the real I-Bankers with real deal making jobs, with the fat pay cheques would still not do a good job. For now, lets leave the I-Bankers alone.
So much was the pressure that my parents didn't even remember the reason for getting me married. My parents were in competition with their siblings on getting a 'bahu' first, on becoming grand parents first, etc. All they knew if their brothers and sisters had a "bahu", so should they; if their relatives were becoming grands parents, I had no right to delay their case.
Chapter: Surrender
Phase: Decision of getting married
Finally I made up mind to give in to pressures and informed them that I wanted to marry a girl of my choice and that selection was already made. With some persuasion, the ground was prepared - parents met hers and engagement dates were finalized. This was another experience of its kind, but not as enigmatic as the next one.
Chapter: Inconsequential who, how really matters
Phase: Informing the match makers
Next was the difficult part - informing the matchmakers. It just didn't go down well with most of them. First, I was grilled on "How did I know her? How long did I know her? How dare did I know her?" Most of them felt I had betrayed them.
My aunt almost accused me of treason, others thought I had "loose character". While some made sarcastic remarks "You dropped the bomb, we didn't expect this from you", others asked me "How could you?" "Why did you not tell us so far?" and most interestingly "Why did you act so innocent till date?" Phew!
I am a Gujrati, at least by birth. Very similar to some South Indians, almost all Gujjus talk loudly - we almost shout - as if we are arguing. I couldn't differentiate if my well wishing match makers were merely displeased or threatening to kill me. But let me acknowledge, I survived.
This was my first realization: Who you get married to is inconsequential, how is vital to your survival - at least that's what the match makers would like to believe. I was answerable for not marrying some one they think I should have. If an alliance is suggested by a match maker, my parents and I are compelled to oblige, else we better prepare a handy explanation that would soothe the matchmaker; otherwise, this could end all relationships between them and my family.
Had I known that so many well wishers and merry match makers will be disheartened with my decision to tie knot with someone of my choice, I would have happily given up on my girl. Logically I would rather make one or two sad then to hurt the sentiments of almost the entire community.
But I guess its too late that I am engaged now. I hope to be forgiven.
I love all my relatives
This is a work of exaggeration
Pun is intended but not mockery
Chapter: The pressure to get married
Phase: After Graduation till you decide to get married
My cousins have been getting married over the last few years. Some of them are parents now. And trust me, it only added to the 'get married soon' pressure on me. Intense pressure from parents - "Shaadi kub karoge" - was fueled by relatives persistent endorsements of select highly qualified and well brought up girls - dying to marry me - well almost.
The match makers & King-pins
Every time relatives spoke to me, they were kind enough to ask me if I had already selected a girl for myself and if I wanted to introduce her to them. They would otherwise certainly threaten me to get me married to a girl of their choice. To appreciate them, imagine a world full of traditional middle class relatives, born in 60s and 70s. These relatives live for benefit of others - and are reincarnations of St. Valentine. These noble souls have been brought to the world for the cause of others - to help others marry.
I am convinced that this Matchmaking cum I-Banking ability is entrenched in gene of every Indian. Matchmaking, some would call, is extremely natural to most Indians. I am amazed that despite very low returns or incentives, Indians excel at it. And the real I-Bankers with real deal making jobs, with the fat pay cheques would still not do a good job. For now, lets leave the I-Bankers alone.
So much was the pressure that my parents didn't even remember the reason for getting me married. My parents were in competition with their siblings on getting a 'bahu' first, on becoming grand parents first, etc. All they knew if their brothers and sisters had a "bahu", so should they; if their relatives were becoming grands parents, I had no right to delay their case.
Chapter: Surrender
Phase: Decision of getting married
Finally I made up mind to give in to pressures and informed them that I wanted to marry a girl of my choice and that selection was already made. With some persuasion, the ground was prepared - parents met hers and engagement dates were finalized. This was another experience of its kind, but not as enigmatic as the next one.
Chapter: Inconsequential who, how really matters
Phase: Informing the match makers
Next was the difficult part - informing the matchmakers. It just didn't go down well with most of them. First, I was grilled on "How did I know her? How long did I know her? How dare did I know her?" Most of them felt I had betrayed them.
My aunt almost accused me of treason, others thought I had "loose character". While some made sarcastic remarks "You dropped the bomb, we didn't expect this from you", others asked me "How could you?" "Why did you not tell us so far?" and most interestingly "Why did you act so innocent till date?" Phew!
I am a Gujrati, at least by birth. Very similar to some South Indians, almost all Gujjus talk loudly - we almost shout - as if we are arguing. I couldn't differentiate if my well wishing match makers were merely displeased or threatening to kill me. But let me acknowledge, I survived.
This was my first realization: Who you get married to is inconsequential, how is vital to your survival - at least that's what the match makers would like to believe. I was answerable for not marrying some one they think I should have. If an alliance is suggested by a match maker, my parents and I are compelled to oblige, else we better prepare a handy explanation that would soothe the matchmaker; otherwise, this could end all relationships between them and my family.
Had I known that so many well wishers and merry match makers will be disheartened with my decision to tie knot with someone of my choice, I would have happily given up on my girl. Logically I would rather make one or two sad then to hurt the sentiments of almost the entire community.
But I guess its too late that I am engaged now. I hope to be forgiven.
posted by Jitesh Shah at 5:13 PM
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