Arranged vs Non-Arranged

Disclaimer:
I love all my relatives
This is a work of exaggeration
Pun is intended but not mockery

Chapter: The pressure to get married
Phase: After Graduation till you decide to get married

My cousins have been getting married over the last few years. Some of them are parents now. And trust me, it only added to the 'get married soon' pressure on me. Intense pressure from parents - "Shaadi kub karoge" - was fueled by relatives persistent endorsements of select highly qualified and well brought up girls - dying to marry me - well almost.

The match makers & King-pins

Every time relatives spoke to me, they were kind enough to ask me if I had already selected a girl for myself and if I wanted to introduce her to them. They would otherwise certainly threaten me to get me married to a girl of their choice. To appreciate them, imagine a world full of traditional middle class relatives, born in 60s and 70s. These relatives live for benefit of others - and are reincarnations of St. Valentine. These noble souls have been brought to the world for the cause of others - to help others marry.

I am convinced that this Matchmaking cum I-Banking ability is entrenched in gene of every Indian. Matchmaking, some would call, is extremely natural to most Indians. I am amazed that despite very low returns or incentives, Indians excel at it. And the real I-Bankers with real deal making jobs, with the fat pay cheques would still not do a good job. For now, lets leave the I-Bankers alone.

So much was the pressure that my parents didn't even remember the reason for getting me married. My parents were in competition with their siblings on getting a 'bahu' first, on becoming grand parents first, etc. All they knew if their brothers and sisters had a "bahu", so should they; if their relatives were becoming grands parents, I had no right to delay their case.

Chapter: Surrender
Phase: Decision of getting married

Finally I made up mind to give in to pressures and informed them that I wanted to marry a girl of my choice and that selection was already made. With some persuasion, the ground was prepared - parents met hers and engagement dates were finalized. This was another experience of its kind, but not as enigmatic as the next one.

Chapter: Inconsequential who, how really matters
Phase: Informing the match makers

Next was the difficult part - informing the matchmakers. It just didn't go down well with most of them. First, I was grilled on "How did I know her? How long did I know her? How dare did I know her?" Most of them felt I had betrayed them.

My aunt almost accused me of treason, others thought I had "loose character". While some made sarcastic remarks "You dropped the bomb, we didn't expect this from you", others asked me "How could you?" "Why did you not tell us so far?" and most interestingly "Why did you act so innocent till date?" Phew!

I am a Gujrati, at least by birth. Very similar to some South Indians, almost all Gujjus talk loudly - we almost shout - as if we are arguing. I couldn't differentiate if my well wishing match makers were merely displeased or threatening to kill me. But let me acknowledge, I survived.

This was my first realization: Who you get married to is inconsequential, how is vital to your survival - at least that's what the match makers would like to believe. I was answerable for not marrying some one they think I should have. If an alliance is suggested by a match maker, my parents and I are compelled to oblige, else we better prepare a handy explanation that would soothe the matchmaker; otherwise, this could end all relationships between them and my family.

Had I known that so many well wishers and merry match makers will be disheartened with my decision to tie knot with someone of my choice, I would have happily given up on my girl. Logically I would rather make one or two sad then to hurt the sentiments of almost the entire community.

But I guess its too late that I am engaged now. I hope to be forgiven.

End of D-year!

This last one year, neither did I blog, neither did I maintain my diary! I was busy 'ghissing' at ISB. I just put my head down with one goal - manage a good job - and I was bang on it.

I couldnt have asked for more. I am finishing the finest one year of my life - in terms of learning and rigour - 3rd in batch, landed with two best jobs on campus and a great life in-calling. Today, exactly a year ago, I was here at the same place, wondering if I should wait for the waitlist from Tuck/W or rush to McCombs or stay back at "will do" ISB?

One year hence and ISB is no 'will do'. Its the best thing that could have happened to me. I have no regrets of not taking up MBA @ US, not just because I did great for myself, but in the hindsight, ISB beats all my options hands down in all the parameters that were important to me - finances, faculty, placements and now - rank! ISB has created this cucoon - a home with every comfort and steep learning - a wholesome experience.

After a year of hardwork, I am wondering if ISB should have been a two year course, not for my for studies but just for the sake of my love for this place.

The same visuals of parents fluttering all around the campuses, anxious students, eager relatives and paperwork; while the only difference being the pungent feeling of nostalgia! Hola - its graduation day tomorrow :), and time to get out of the ISB Cucoon and take the life head on :(

Hindu mythology believes in a circular time line - i couldnt think of a better fit :) I am promising to myself to come back to ISB in future (even if I have a call from Harvard this time around) and be a student again!

MBA ...will the dream turn to a reality?

This year after a lot of yes and nos, I finally gave my Toefl and GMAT. My friends (Supadman and Gahlotia) convinced me to put my head in this direction. I had always wanted to do an MBA but was never sure as to where I belonged!

The journey strolled a little further when I completed my Toefl in April and GMAT in August. God, who has been a devil to me for a past couple of years, ushered his blessing to me and I did reasonable well in GMAT.

I had believed that GMAT was the key to success. But the toughest part was in beginning of October when I had to pen down essays.

Its december. I have two dings and no admits. Its an eye opener....

There are days and times when the feeling of being drowned in the infinite sea takes me over. But I just let myself sink as I would rather gauge the depth of this sea before I die!!

When shook hands with the devil

My nose had been bleeding for a reason still not known. Last sunday, on October 8th 2006, I had gotten ready to go out with a friend, and I was about to leave the house when the nose started leaking red. Only a few drops came out and it stopped by itself. I assumed it must be those "garmi chad gayi hai" reasons and thats why it stopped by itself. The bleeding was ignored and I had a merry making the entire day.

The next day in morning, I was doing what I do best. I was admiring my hardwork in the toilet looking at the small yellow pieces and dreaming about the previous days delicacy. I was wondering what portion of food would have gotten tranformed into the largest of those bodies. Anyways I am a PhD holder at this topic and can write millions of Blogs on this. The nose started dripping red wine again. I might have lost about 10 tea spoons of blood but then again it stopped by itself. I wondered if it could be serious, but again ignored as I had an important meeting at the office.

The next day worse happened. I was deep in my slumber when I realized that my nose was wet and my mouth was soacked in smoething. I woke up to realize that my nose was badly bleeding and I might have already lost double the amount of blood that came out yesterday. I shouted alound for my mom. She brought me two new bundles of cottons, which I managed to soak with blood before I could leave to a doctors place. Mean while my parents were rushing around the colony trying to wake up some doctors around. One doctor suggested to my mom to take me to a big hospital and show me to an ENT specialist.

We immediately rushed to Manipal hospital where I was given the first aid. By the time the blood stopped oozing out I might have lost about 2-3 bowls of blood. I was feeling tired , dizzy and weak. I was kept under observation for about 2 hours and sent home. I took rest until evening when I decided to go out for a movie. I hadnt taken bath as yet and before I could pour even a mug of water on myself, the floor was red with my blood. The blood had started oozing out with double the speed and I was really scared. I quickly put on a few clothes and rushed back to habba.

They tried putting some clottants in my nose but the bleeding just wouldnt stop. After about two hours of blood flow, when my BP had substanitally fallen down due to losing over a bottle of blood, the blood flow reduced and they put a 4 inch long rod in my nose. It was highly painful when they put in the rod. The rod would swell up on soaking blood and tightly push against my nose walls to prevent any further bleeding. With in a matter of seconds, the rod had acquired a width comparable to a 40 year old fat man. My head was paining terribly and I was wondering what would I scumb to ...the blood loss or the terrible pain. After keeping me there for another hour, I was asked to be hospitalised.

I had not started writing any essays for my application to Harvard and the deadline was in next 5 hours. But I had no other option but to follow the doctors advice. The doctor was some big shot ENT surgeon and following him was noding to the gods will. I had recently brought a laptop. I was thinking to myself that if I could arrange the laptop and finish the essays in another 5 hours, I should be in a position to post my application. But post the application ,...online.. how:? I then thought of calling up my dad and guiding him on how to upload the essays and submit the application.

The stage was set and I was ready to fight it out in the hospital. I was informed that there are no beds available in the entire 1000 bed vast Manipal Hospital. If I waited for another 3 hours, I might be arranged a bed in the general ward. We started ringing my doctor asking him to kindly let us go home. Doctor adamantly denied and suggested to us that if we really wanted we could go on our own risk. Mean while the nurses around had take a kilo of my blood for some unknown and secret tests. I was also asked to contact the blood bank for a COUPLE of bottles of my blood type.

I had started wondering about the money I have taken from others, my liabilities and the money that people owe me. I had asked of calling a friend from raipur and I could slowly tell me all the details in private. I was wondering it I was missing out anything. My mom was all in tears as I spoke to myself.."Mom store a few of them for tomorrow or day after when I will not be here" I know it sounds funny now but that was one scary thought.

However, I was genuinely interested in applying to Harvard. I knew I didnt stand a chance of getting any call with the substandard essays I might come up with given the very short time I have. But no, I had to try once before I said good bye to myself. A phone call for interview from Harvard would have made my ignorant parents happy when I wouldnt have been around.

I had decided to go to my house since there was no semi rpivate room available here, do my application and come back tomorrow morning for what ever they wanted me here. Because of that f#$ing rod in my nose, my head was aching even more now and my left eye wasnt opening. The left portion of my face was badly inflammated due to a 4 x 1 Inch rod. Just pick up a scale and see how big is 4 inch. I am not exagerrating....it was indeed as huge.

I survived the night, wrote really substandard essays and clicked on the submit button on the harvard link. Wasted a couple of hundred dollars and a little more. Nevertheless felt happy of the submission I sank into a slumber. A slumber I wasnt certain was my last one.

The swolen eyes were watering and preventing me from fainting. I couldnt sleep the entire night because of the pain. The next morning, which came after a year long wait, I was back to the hospital. The doctor was really upset that I didnt listen to him and chose to go back home. I complained of pain and was given a pain killer. Before I knew I was asleep. When I woke up after a long 5 hour sound sleep, I was asked to go home take rest and come back day after for the removal of the rod.

The rod was a pain...not only in my nose and head but in my head now. As the pain subsided with that pain killer and the blood plessure back to normal, I was convinced that the devil is not taking me home any sooner. I dropped plans of calling my friend to write discuss my billion dollar worth writ.

I went home but the eyes kept swelling up with every passing minute. I rang up the angry doctor to inform that my balls, I mean eye balls were paining and also that the rod is poking my inner bones of the skull. Doctor asked me to see him the next day. I slept eating khichdi for the fourth time. I couldnt chew anything and was forced on this diet :((

The worst part...two more deadlines passed by. Tuck and Wharton....I missed both of them due to the MF pain. I tried getting up to start writing the essays...but I couldnt muster enough of self confidence. I slowly went to sleep cursing god for what he did to me.

The next day I was back to Manipal, now some people might call it might second home. I told them that the pain wasnt as much but the rod might have loosened up a bit. So if they wanted to go ahead and nail it, they were free to do so. They rang up the doctor. Doctor was in the OT and I am sure must have been doing worse to some innocent chap. Nonetheless he asked to remove the rod, monitor me for two hours and if the bleeding persisted put another rod!! I begged them to not remove this one as I didnt wasnt to endure the pain of having another rod being inserted.

The rod was removed with equal pain. The bleeding didnt recur and I was let off. It hasnt bled in last 24 hours and I am adviced bedrest for 4 days. After my rest, doctor is planning to put a camera in my nose to inspect the wound. I will wait till the tuesday.

The would it seems is still raw the reason unknown. I am supposed to laugh, or exert (yes i cannt feel myself) or sneeze or fart or apply pressure while passing out in the mornings as it might increase the pressure and the bleeding can occur again.

Moral of the story...Even if I were to die on the first day...I was already screwed and couldnt have complained god of the early time out :) On a serious note, I couldnt do two of my applications for absolutely no fault of mine...what a sham!